when Twilight girl and Thor collide

last night was spontaneous date night! Well, as spontaneous as we can handle. Does making a plan at 5:00 for a 7:00 date count as spontaneity? TOTALLY. yes. Thanks for that.

Trailers for “Snow White and Huntsman” have been rolling for a while and I didn’t really have a huge urge to see this movie until the last few weeks. The fact that Twilight girl was the lead… I just couldn’t fully jump on board quite yet. However, after watching the MTV movie awards (WHICH BY THE WAY WAS TOTAL TRASH AND DESERVES A BLOG POST OF IT’S OWN) and at least eleventy billion “Snow White” trailers, I thought “why not? It looks like it could be fairy tale meets Lord of the Rings. I like all these things.”

We went. We watched. and the second the movie was over Jesse sighs,

“well. THAT was TOTALLY a teenage girl movie.”

Truer words were never spoken.

Let’s take a look-see.

Teen Girl Swoon #1- Thor

Yes, I KNOW it’s Chris Hemsworth. But forever and ever he will now be THOR, and that is that. I mean, could Hollywood have planned it any better? The Avengers comes out in all its awesome glory (my roommate has seen it three times. I’m so jealous) and we all fall in love with ChrisHemsy again only for him to come into a classic fairy tale, as surly axe swinging protector. Holla.

Teen Girl Swoon #2- Twilight chick

I don’t understand the obsession with her. Girlfriend has attitude and I would never want my teenage daughter to act like her EVER. However, what better way to get teen girl points than to make their new “I’m so misunderstood” poster child the heroine?

Teen Girl Swoon #3- Fear Factor

Yall. I was legitimately scared a few times and significantly creeped out by the dark forest scenes. I had horrible dreams last night. I admit, at one point I buried my head into Jesse’s shoulder because I didn’t want to see bugs eating people anymore. I didn’t realize until later that once again… they are giving teen girls EVERY opportunity to love this movie. I mean, what 14-year old girl doesn’t secretly want to be all “oh boyfriend, I’m scared… comfort me in my fear and then we can all close and cuddly and stuff.” Let’s be real.

Teen Girl Swoon #4- That Lizzie McGuire moment…

…when Thor slices off the bottom half of Twilight’s skirt so she can run through the forest with the greatest of ease. It reminds me of that “This Is What Dreams Are Made Of” moment in the Lizzie McGuire Movie when Lizzie is jamming with her pop-star Italian alter ego and changes out of her ballgown into her sassy pants in .34 seconds with the help of her handy background dancers. Stop playing girls, you know you really wanted that moment too. I can hear the hearts of a million teenage girls leap at the thought of having Thor help them with their ballgown issues.

Teen Girl Swoon #5- a “fetching” suit of armor

When Twilight girl decides to finally have a bit of dialogue in this film and rises to inspire her people to fight back, she then dons a suit of armor that Thor deems as rather “fetching.” ohhhhh swoon. The hunky surly man likes a girl in armor. Again, the broody misunderstood crowd feel like they are finally understood.
“SEE. If more men were like Thor and thought it was ‘fetching’ to be cold and hard and tough, I could finally find love! Thor, pick me! Choose me! Love me!”

Are you completely uninterested in watching this movie now? Don’t be! It’s a beautiful movie and definitely entertaining. You can’t help but be fascinated by how they manage to make Charlize Theron look haggard. Quite a feat, my friends.

Would I see it again? Probably not.
Own it? Definitely not.
Glad I saw it? TOTALLY. 

If only for the reminder that I should watch that Lizze McGuire clip at least four times today.

I mean, this is what dreams are made of.

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